Creating Without Chasing the Outcome

In this episode of No Map Included, I talk about what it means to stop living entirely for the outcome.

After spending years attaching my identity to achievement, momentum, and long-term goals, I’ve been trying to rebuild my relationship to creativity, ambition, and uncertainty in a way that feels healthier and more sustainable.

I talk about stepping away from acting professionally, navigating rejection with Stay/Away, returning to writing, and realizing how much of my life had become focused on chasing outcomes instead of actually experiencing the present.

I also get into identity shifts, background acting, books that found me at the right time, building new habits, and the difference between creating from pressure versus creating from genuine curiosity.

More than anything, this episode is about making room:
for new dreams, new versions of yourself, and a life that feels aligned even without a perfectly clear roadmap.

And if you’re currently in your own messy middle, trying to let go of an old identity, rethink success, or figure out what comes next, I hope this episode reminds you that you’re not the only one navigating that transition.

About the Podcast

No Map Included documents the process of building stories in real time: from proof of concept to premiere.
Hosted by filmmaker and producer Yessi Sanchez, the podcast explores the work behind the work and the paths that don’t show up on IMDb.

Transcript

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Over the last few weeks, I've been going through a major pivot, stepping away from acting professionally after more than a decade, losing the restaurant job that gave me structure, navigating rejection with stay away, and trying to rebuild my relationship to creativity in a way that feels healthier and more sustainable. So this episode became a very honest reflection on being in the middle of uncertainty without immediately trying to solve it. I talk about writing, background acting, books that follow me at the right time, and the difference between chasing outcomes versus building a life that actually feels aligned. And honestly, this conversation moves a little like my brain does right now, from one thought to another, trying to make sense of a transition while living through it in real time. If you're currently in your own messy middle, questioning things, pivoting, grieving an old version of yourself, or trying to figure out what comes next, I hope this episode makes you feel a little less alone. This is Nomap Included, where I document the journey from proof of concept to premiere, building a feature film, a vertical series, and everything in between. All of my life I've been very solution-oriented. I always wanted to find a solution quickly. I was applying to so many different jobs, and I just wanted to fix it as quickly as possible. I've always been that kind of person. I always had a plan. I always knew where I was going. And this is the first time in my life where I am completely lost because it's different than the other times. After graduation, I was lost for a little bit, but then I was like, okay, I know where I want to go. Same with waiting for my artist visa. That was out of my control, and I could have not gotten it. So I was thinking of other things that I could do or other places that I could go. But it was okay because I knew I still wanted to act. I knew where I wanted to go. I had a certain dream and I just wanted to go ahead and achieve it, which was great at the time. And now I am comfortable not having any expectations and not doing anything for a certain outcome. I'm comfortable being lost at sea. That doesn't mean that I'm just gonna binge watch a bunch of TV shows. It also doesn't mean that I'm not gonna dream about my life, where it could go, and who I could become. That is very exciting. Doesn't mean that I'm gonna pursue everything that I dream of. Like yesterday, I thought, oh, maybe I could just become a yoga teacher, or maybe it could become a sommelier. I don't think those are really things that I would want to pursue, but you never know. I've mentioned not doing things for the outcome anymore. Part of that is because I am reading Atomic Habits by James Clear, and he describes it so well with wanting to change things for the outcome or actually changing things by changing your identity. I always thought that you are finding yourself in your 20s, and that is your identity. Acting is my identity, being creative, that is me, and so on. But never really thinking, oh, I can change my identity by building new habits. It's that simple. You're not stuck with who you are. You can make those changes. It is a mindset shift. I mean, I always knew it is a mindset shift, but explaining it through changing your identity, I think, really changed my perspective of what I can achieve by simply forming small habits. That is amazing to me. And that book has been collecting dust in my shelf for years. I bought it pretty much when I got to LA. I started reading it, never finished it. I don't know why. And I feel like certain things just come to you or come back to you when you need them, and maybe I was just not ready for it. There is another book that I really love. I read it years ago. It's called Letting Go by David Hawkins. And for me, that book is the pinnacle of self-help books. I will always come back to it. It is very dense, I feel like. I don't think it's for everyone. It really needs to show up in your life when you're ready for it. That's one of those books that I don't think you will be interested in if you're just picking it up. It really needs to be the right time. Because otherwise it just doesn't click. And I think the same thing with atomic habits, it just didn't click at the time. And now it makes so much sense, and maybe it's also being more mature or having the capacity, making room to make it click, or making room to understand certain things. I feel like sometimes you are also in a certain season in your life where you just don't have the capacity to listen to certain advice, or you're listening to a podcast about something that could change your life, but you're too distracted thinking about something else, or thinking about the outcome, or thinking about a conversation that you had with a person and thinking that that was very important at the time. I do believe that you only listen to what you're actually ready for and the other things you're tuning out. Sometimes you just can't get there right now, and there is a reason for it, and maybe the reason is because you just don't have the capacity. I oftentimes think of my brain as a hard drive, and sometimes you just have to make room for new things, and you can't do that if you're still holding on too much to another thing. So I feel like I made room for it. The more I process it, the more I know it is the right decision. I am so happy that I don't have to center everything around acting anymore. And I know I could just keep going with this realization that I don't have to wait for an opportunity. I don't have to say no to travel because oh, either I'm saving up for new headshots or I have not been able to save up because of rent. I know I could continue acting with this mindset shift, but the problem is I do fall into those old habits a lot. So for me, it really feels right to step away from it and make room for new things. I also feel a little resentful towards acting because I gave my 20s to it. I don't think I was really living my life, and that's all I want to do in my 30s. I just want to experience life to the fullest. And I don't just want to wait for opportunities. I don't do that anymore. I want to create opportunities, if anything. I want to create opportunities for myself, but that doesn't mean that it's gonna be outcome-based. And I think this opens up a new way to express myself creatively. What I really think I secretly wanted all of my life is to write. I've had journals from first grade. As soon as I knew how to write, I had a journal and I continued that my whole life. Like I said before, I did not have the courage. I had major imposter syndrome. I was like, I'm not a writer, I don't know how to do this. Even though I was writing all of my life, I was journaling all of my life, and I know that journaling is missing certain structure, but I've always journaled about dreams and characters and certain scenarios. So I am allowing myself to just write without knowing the outcome. I mean, that's the whole point of this podcast, right? But I think I didn't really allow myself to do that, and now I am giving myself enough room to explore that. I did not, however, get the development grant that I wanted to get. That is very disappointing to me. I am used to rejection. I still thought that this proposal was strong and it had so many layers, and I thought it was really innovative. But yeah, I guess it wasn't the right fit. That doesn't mean that I'm not gonna continue. Just to recap where I'm at with Stay Away. It started as a short film, it's 12 pages long, and I think that length is perfect, and I would love to see it as a short film, but then I thought I wanted to develop it more because I wanted to combine this idea with another idea that I had for a feature film, and I continued writing from where I am with the short film. I asked Florian Anderson to be the director of it. She's a co-producer and co-founder of R-Tech Pictures, and I asked Aaron Meinhart, cinematographer of I Live Your Now, directed by Julie Picchino, to be the cinematographer for this. And they agreed, if you see their work, you know this is gonna be fantastic. So then I thought, okay, the short film could be a proof of concept, but then I was like, let's just shoot for the feature film, let's just go for it. And so that's where I'm at right now. I need to finish writing the feature film, I need to put a lot of research into this, and that's why I was hoping we were gonna get the development fund because I could spend time doing research, and I really want to do justice to these mental illnesses. I don't want to be like the Emilia Perez director who thought he doesn't have to do any research. I have very strong feelings about that movie. And if you're setting a movie in my home country or in any country, yes, you do have to do research. I don't know what his reasoning was for not putting in the research, but I think it is really important, even though it is fictional, you're still creating a world within the real world. If you made up a country, you don't have to put in research. But if your whole story is based on the history of a country, then yeah, yeah, I think it should be researched. And I want to develop it in Switzerland, that's where I am from, and certain costs are connected to that, connected to being able to shoot it in Switzerland. So that's why I was really hoping that we could get the development fund, but it is okay because I'm just gonna keep going, and there are other ways. So I have put applying for grants on hold because I really want to focus on finishing the feature film. I have the pitch deck, I have materials for grant applications, but now I'm going a step back and I'm in the writing phase again. That is my plan for right now, to just focus on that project. And in the meantime, I thought I could do background acting again. It is a really sweet gig. I really do love it. It is a lot of fun. You're on set the whole day, and I feel like it is definitely good when you're SAG because there is a SAG representative that comes to check on set to see if everything is fine. And yeah, I think that is definitely the right move for me right now. But just for people who don't know anything about background acting, when you sign up for a management company to schedule you for different background gigs, you cannot cancel. If you say that you are gonna be available that day, you cannot cancel. The thing is, when you are an actor and you're represented by an agent, that agent might send you an audition. And it happened to me before where I had to choose either I go and earn money, guaranteed money because I am booked, or I do my audition that could lead to other things, and your agent has certain expectations. But once you're booked on a background gig through that management company, you're not allowed to cancel that gig. And having that stress in the back of your mind that if you get an audition, you can't disappoint your agent. You cannot cancel your background gig because your income might depend on it because they could just let you go of that management company. That is a fear that is constantly in the back of your mind. And so it was not really something that I could do, or I did not feel comfortable living with that fear. Being a server, having a flexible schedule, being able to find someone who could cover you once you book something, or being able to do auditions during the day and working at night, that just makes more sense for an actor, and that's why so many actors are servers. But yeah, I did not want to live with that stress, and it did happen to me a lot. What also happened before was that I got booked for a commercial and they gave me the wrong date, so I was already booked as a background actor, and then I had to choose: do I take the job that gives me less money, but then I could book more through that agency, or do I take the commercial money? And yeah, those are little things that are just very stressful when you're an actor. Because even if you are a server and you can't find anyone to cover for you, your job is gonna be on the line, but also this opportunity that you've been waiting for is there. Like, how do you choose? It's so difficult, and I'm so glad I don't have to do that anymore. That's one big aspect that I'm like, oh, I will never have to choose again, and I can just enjoy being a background actor for now. I can work on my writing, and guess what? There is also downtime, and I can write during the downtime while I'm waiting for them to use me as a background actor. And I am just really excited for this time. I have no expectations, I don't know what the outcome is. I'm just excited to write, to express myself creatively in a way that I haven't explored enough. I also feel like when something feels misaligned, you don't show up for yourself mentally and physically in the same way. I have noticed a huge shift where now I'm really eager and I do have the energy to show up for myself physically and build good routines and really take care of myself. I have noticed I just want to curl my hair because I want to and not because I have to. And whenever I had to get ready for an audition, that was something that I didn't want to do. I didn't want to get ready and put my makeup on. But now I just want to do it for myself. And because it is self-care, because I want to feel good, I want to work out, because I do notice a big change in how I feel, how I approach things, how I carry myself, how I walk. That is huge for me. And it makes me feel more awake, more alert. It gives me energy. And so in my early 20s, I only wanted to work out because I thought I had to look good. But it gives me a certain superpower that I didn't have before. It is just so exciting to grow and learn. And I was always eager to do that, but it is exciting to get older and leave certain things behind and know more of what you want and what is serving you and what feels more aligned. So if you are someone who is stuck in the middle and you don't really know where to go from here, it is okay. It is okay to take your time to figure it out. And you can also start small. It is okay to let go of your dreams. People change, people grow, and I believe the whole point of this is to experience life to the fullest capacity. My goal with this podcast is to build a community for people who are in the messy middle and who need to figure things out. And like I said before, it is okay to take your time with that, and it is okay to be stuck and feel stuck for a while. Things don't change overnight. And with that being said, thank you so much for listening. It really helps me form my ideas or put things into words that I was thinking about, and I hope it inspires you to let go of something that doesn't serve you anymore, or to try something new. You just listen to No Map Included. If you're building something, a film, a series, a career, and you don't have the full map yet, that's okay. Neither do I. I'll see you in the next chapter.